Read the Goddamn Book

Navigating burnout through Self-compassion, Fact Checking, Rest and Boundaries

Burnout and I are very well acquainted.  We have danced together often and, if/when I forget all the things I know (and teach!), we still dance occasionally. It takes one to know one, and I am seeing the symptoms of burnout everywhere at the moment. In my friends, in my kids, in the dude who owns the local burger bar – all at different stages and all with slightly different symptoms, but all finding themselves in some kind of struggle.

As the bizarre year of 2020 continues to unfold, and we find ourselves faced with new and sometimes scary or overwhelming circumstances, I am noticing us struggling with the emotional ups and downs of this time. So many big emotions can leave our beautiful bodies exhausted and we can be left wondering “why am I so tired?”.

 We also find ourselves faced, well, with ourselves. There is very little to distract us from our own fears and neuroses or from the continual “what if?” thinking that whirrs and whirrs around our minds all day (and all night!). With very few answers and very little clarity on what the future holds - we find ourselves in these “thought loops”.  

I wonder if now might be a really good time to get to know ourselves and our habits more intimately – many of us have the time, if we make it. We can build our self-awareness through meditation, therapy, journaling, chatting to friends and loved ones – there are a lot of roads to the same destination.

 I would like to share some of the very specific things that continue to help me to manage my levels of energy and motivation. But first, here are some reminders of the things we may have heard before, but are worth mentioning again (you know, with COVID brain - we forget stuff!):

BODY

  1. Activity - Exercise - 20-30 mins a day

  2. Nutrition - Make sure our nutritional needs are sorted (try to reduce alcohol which is a depressant and coffee which is a stimulant - perpetuating the states of emotional ups and downs that we are trying to treat by drinking wine/coffee!)

  3. Sleep – get 7-9 hours a night - Google “sleep hygiene tips”

MIND

  1. Thoughts and emotions - track them and mind your mind. Which thoughts/emotions are we feeding?

  2. Mindfulness - Try some meditation – download the Smiling Mind app, it’s free

  3. Mindset - Cultivate a positive mindset – gratitude, kindness and awe are our superpowers

HEART

  1. Values – remember the most important thing/s

  2. Others - Connect to someone else every day – family/friends or even a neighbour

  3. Self – take a few minutes a day to feel yourself in your body, to feel your ‘home’, you could even say a gentle ‘hello me’ and if you are feeling brave ‘hello me, I love you”

Now, here are the mental health heavy-hitters when we feel burnout arriving or looming. I have also suggested some little sayings (affirmations or mantas, if you like) that we may all like to bring into our minds and hearts to support us to ride these emotional waves.

1.     Self-Compassion – “I have my own back”

Many of us are so hard on ourselves. This is not our fault, setting high standards has had massive evolutionary benefits (like, being the most powerful species on earth!) but it also has its downsides (like zapping our vital energy when we continually berate ourselves). So, can we lean towards loving (or even liking) ourselves as much as we do our friends or our kids? Can we remind ourselves that we have our own back? That we have done and felt hard things before and we can do it again? Becoming my own best friend is the most radical and transformative thing I have ever done, it allows me to take care of myself. Please try it.

2.     Fact Check - “Is it true?”

Our beautiful minds create stories to explain the unexplainable – it is part of their job. I don’t know about you, but I am finding myself faced with many confusing or unexplainable things at the moment, like:

-       Being told to stay home and not see loved ones - weird

-       Wearing a sweaty piece of cloth on my face which is rubbing makeup off my red nose - embarrassing

-       Being a school teacher and debating with my kid about….too much to add in this blog

-       Preparing my 10000th meal in one day - annoying

So, when I find myself creating stories to explain these very odd circumstances like “I have no friends, life or career, I hate my clothes and I will never have time to myself again”, I stop and check the facts and the evidence.  Usually I have let myself jump on a train of catastrophizing or blaming - no wonder I find myself freaked out or bummed out.  So, to pull ourselves back, we can ask the simple question “is it true?”. Usually it isn’t and man, that is good news. Credit to Byron Katie for this magic question.

3.     Rest - “Read the goddamn book”

Many of us simply don’t know how to rest and rest is absolutely what our bodies need at the moment – to recover from 6 months of fear-induced adrenaline running through our system. Please allow yourself to rest. Do a Yoga Nidra deep relaxation (find one on YouTube or Insight Timer), take a nap or read a goddamn book. Do these during the day, walk away from the emails/phone calls/washing or children and take 15 minutes to rest.  The world will keep spinning without us – I promise.

 4.     Set Boundaries - “No, I value myself more than I value your opinion of me”

Listen to yourself and your needs and if something doesn’t work for you, say so and say no. This is a marathon, not a sprint, we need to keep ourselves well for the long run.

There is no denying it, things are weird, sometimes scary and often annoying but I do know, from my own experience, that we always have a choice when it comes to how we respond to the world and the challenges we face. Please take good care of you and your little people, love yourself stupid and rest like your health depends on it.